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Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Today's English Lesson

Today's sample of incorrect and misleading English comes from Avi Issacharoff:
The Palestinian Authority, as well as the leaders of the Palestinian popular protests in villages such as Bil'in, Na'alim, Umm Salmuna, have been trying to keep the following story away from both public knowledge and the media's eye: One of the more prominent Umm Salmuna activists – a village south of Bethlehem, long entrenched in a battle against the West Bank separation fence – is suspected of the attempted rape of an American peace activist who had been residing in the village as part of her support of the local protest.

Omar Aladdin, who had been arrested three months ago over suspicions he had attempted to rape the U.S. citizen, was subsequently released after agreeing to apologize to the young woman. However, Haaretz had learned that representatives of both the popular protest movement and the PA have since applied pressure on the American peace activist as to prevent her from making the story public.

The incident allegedly took place last April, as Aladdin, who had served a term in the Israeli jail in the past, arrived one evening at the guest house in which many of the foreign peace activists were staying. The European and American female activists reportedly agreed to let Aladdin stay with them after he had told them he feared the Israel Defense Forces were on his tail, adding that he had been severely beaten at an IDF checkpoint only a week before.

During his stay Aladdin allegedly attempted to rape a Muslim-American woman, nicknamed "Fegin" by fellow activists. The woman escaped, later accusing the popular protest man of the attempt. One villager who had encountered the American following the incident said she had been in a state of shock.

Aladdin then refused to apologize for the incident, when news of it reached the village's popular committee, the popular protests' governing body, allegedly saying that the incident had been marginal and normal. The American activist then asked the committee to notify authorities of the attempted rape, a request which resulted in the man being arrested by security forces in Bethlehem. After agreeing to apologize for the incident, Aladdin was released from custody by the PA police.

The U.S. citizen was then convinced to retract her complaint, as to avoid tainting the image of the popular protest, which had attracted praise from around the world in recent months.
The pertinent portion of this story is the following imbedded sentence:
One of the more prominent Umm Salmuna activists – a village south of Bethlehem, long entrenched in a battle against the West Bank separation fence – is suspected of the attempted rape of an American peace activist who had been residing in the village as part of her support of the local protest.
Let's break it down.
Subject: one
Predicate: is suspected
Appositive Subject: village
Appositive Predicate: entrenched
Indirect Object: rape

Now, let's switch the appositive with the subject and see what we get:
A village south of Bethlehem, long entrenched in a battle against the West Bank separation fence - one of the more prominent Umm Salmuna activists – is suspected of the attempted rape of an American peace activist who had been residing in the village as part of her support of the local protest.
Now, obviously a village is not suspected of attempted rape. This is how the sentence should have been framed:
One of the more prominent activists in Umm Salmuna – a village south of Bethlehem, long entrenched in a battle against the West Bank separation fence – is suspected of the attempted rape of an American peace activist who had been residing in the village as part of her support of the local protest.
See how easy that was, Avi? Breaking it down again:

Subject: one
Predicate: is suspected
Subordinate Clause Subject: village
Subordinate Clause Predicate: entrenched
Indirect Object: rape

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