An udder fiery tail into Anguish Languished

Guilty Looks Enter Tree Beers
Wants ponder tom dare worsted ladle gull hoe hat search putty yowler coils debt pimple colder Guilty Looks. Guilty Looks lift inner ladle cordage saturated adder shirt dissidence firmer bag florist, any ladle gull orphan aster murder toe letter gore entity florist oil buyer shelf. "Guilty Looks!" crater murder angularly, "Hominy terms arena garner asthma suture stooped quiz-chin? Goiter door florist? Sordidly NUT!" "Wire nut, murder? wined Guity Looks, hoe dint peony tension tore murder's scaldings. "Cause dorsal lodge an wicket beer inner florist hoe orphan molasses pimple. Ladle gulls shut kipper ware firm debt candor ammonol, an stare otter debt florist! Debt florist's mush toe dentures furry ladle gull!" Wail, pimple oil-wares wander due wart udder pimple dump wampum toe due. Debt's jest hormone nurture.

Wan moaning, Guilty Looks dissipater murder, an win entity florist. Fur lung, disk avengeress gull wetter putty yowler coils cam tore ladle cordage inhibited buyer hull firmly off beers - Fodder Beer (home pimple, fur oblivious raisins, coiled "Brewing"), Murder Beer, an Ladle Bore Beer. Disk moaning, oiler beers hat jest lifter cordage, ticking ladle bask-its, an hat gun entity florist toe peck block-barriers an rash-barriers. Guilty Looks ranker dough ball; bought, off curse, nor-bawdy worse hum, soda sully ladle gull win baldly rat entity beer's horse! Honor tipple inner darning rum, stud tree boils fuller sop - wan grade bag boiler sop, wan muddle-sash boil, an wan tawny ladle boil. Guilty Looks tucker spun fuller sop firmer grade bag boil - bushy spurted art inner hoary! "Arch!" crater gull, "Debt sop's toe hart - barns mar mouse!" Dingy traitor sop inner muddle-sash boil, witch worse toe coiled. Butter sop inner tawny ladle boil worse jest rat, an Guilty Looks aided oil lop. Dingy nudist tree cheers - wan anomalous cheer, wan muddle-sash cheer, an wan tawny ladle cheer. Guilty Looks set darn inner ladle cheer, bushy worse toe bag ferret, ant soddenly bustard. Clamming upper stars tutor beer's bet-rum, Guilty Looks dish-cupboard tree bets - wan grade bag bet, wan muddle-sash bet, an wan tawny ladle bet. Failing torrid, shay flunker shelf honor ladle bet, an jester cobbler menace letter, worse sunder slip an snorting.

Inner ladle wile, donors offer cordage cam beck firmer barrier-pecking extradition, currying bask-its fuller barriers. Whinny entity darning rum, Fodder Beer stuttered snuffing an grueling tomb shelf. "Warts ban goring earn hair?" crumpled dole beer, "Conjure small psalm-sing deferent a boarder horse?" "Crashes!" crater murder beer, ashy castor quack glands adder tipple, "Hose ban muddling wet debt sop?" Ladle Bore Beer stuttered crayon. "Jest locket mar ladle boiler sop - oil garbled dope! An locket mar itchy pitchy cheer - oil bustard!" Locking adder bustard cheer, Murder Beer bay-gander gat historical, an stuttered hollowing adder horse-barn: "Brewing! Brewing! Way gut BURGHERS inner horse. HORSE BURGHERS! Quack! Coiler place! Wail, dun stun dare during nosing! Coiler Place Deportment, quack!" "Hammer garner coiler Place Deportment wen way dun heifer toiler-fun?" resplendent Brewing, inner trampling verse. "Set darn, worming, an cape quote! Yore oil-wares thanking dares burghers inner horse!" Oiler shame, Brewing worse jesters scarred aster udders; infect, haze niece war shagging.

Finely, Fodder Beer goodies grade bag short-gum, Murder Beer gutter muddle-sash haunting raffle, an Ladle Bore Beer goodies tawny ladle pestle, an oiler beers crypt upper stars, ware Guilty Looks worse line honor bet, sunders leap an snorting. Herring door beers, shay weakened, lipped otter door window, an dished aware fur harm jesters fascist sheik good scrabble. Oiler beers tar darner stars, an stuttered toe locker doers an widows. "Fodder," aster ladle bore beer, finely, "Wart worse debt discussing crasher honor bet? Wart worse debt awk lea ammonol wet oil debt yowler far honor had, an hoe dint half nor far atoll honor beck? Wart worse debt hoary bell lurking crasher, Fodder?" Fodder Beer shuttered. "Comb hair, mar bore. Heresy gut lessen furrier! Debt discussing crasher worsen HORMONE BEAN! Kipper ware firm debt candor ammonol! Dare nor gut! Warts mar, are dun wander catcher goring entity florist oil bar yore shelf. Debt florist's mush two dentures furry ladle beer!

[moderately redacted by the blogger, especially to remove the English word "and"]

My living will

Lest anyone later accuse me of not having given directives as to how my body should be disposed of should I ever become incommunicative for over three weeks, I offer below my "living will":

I, the father of Andy, being of sound mind and body, and a resident of a State formed under the authority of the Northwest Ordinance, thankful to my Saviour for the years he has given me in the flesh and unaware of how long my time on this earth shall last, do hereby set forth the terms upon which I wish to leave this mortal life.
NOTE: Any pertinent instructions written and signed in my hand, including those entered onto a keyboard by me in the presence of impartial witnesses, shall supersede this document.
NOTE: All references to the male gender in this document shall be construed to equally refer to the female gender, and all references to swine shall be construed to equally refer to any unclean animal as listed in Leviticus chapter eleven, WEB version.
ITEM 1. It is my will to live as long as there is someone willing to care for my physical needs at his own expense.
ITEM 2. I do not authorize anyone to withhold the nourishment or care my body needs to continue functioning for any reason, under any circumstances.
ITEM 3. Except as provided for elsewhere in Items one through six of this document, I do not authorize any beneficiary of any insurance policy which may be taken out on my life to exercise any right he may otherwise have to make any decisions that would hasten my death.
ITEM 4. If ever a time comes that my body ceases to continue the functions necessary for life, I authorize anyone to perform whatever procedure he feels necessary to restore those functions, provided he assumes full financial and legal responsibility for that procedure and any hospitalization directly resulting from it.
ITEM 5. I authorize my primary heir to sue for my release from any hospitalization to which he has not given his consent, without let or hindrance, even if such a release should cause my death.
ITEM 6. I authorize any court settlement which is intended for my care to be used for my treatment, restoration, rehabilitation, and reconstruction, with the following exceptions:
1) Legal expenses related to petitioning the court for the withholding or provision of nutrition or life support;
2) Surgery or drug therapy that is not reasonably expected to prolong my life more than five years;
3) Surgery to remove organs from my body for the purpose of organ donation;
4) Surgery to implant body parts donated by, or recovered from, simians or swine.
5) Expenses related to the final disposition of my mortal remains.
ITEM. I charge my primary heir to take into account my extreme distaste for hypodermic needles when ordering my medical care, and my desire that they be used only to deliver drugs or nutrition, without which I would reasonably be expected to die within five days, or to develop, as a direct result of withholding hypodermic therapy during those five days, an irreversible condition which could reasonably be expected to end my life within a year. This is the only item in my Living Will which I leave up to the discretion of my primary heir, provided he complies with the other stipulations above.
Electronically signed and edited respectively, using password access to http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=8353719 and http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=8353719&postID=111178418810394239, while physically located in Jackson Township, on this Catholic Good Friday of the year of our Lord two thousand and five.

"Nigerian Scam" variant from Italy--not a very professional job

Dear Friend,

My name is Mrs.Magerete Kamsojide.I am the wife of Late Sebastian Kamsojide,
an oil dealer in Sao Tome and Principles.

My husband was an oil merchant and a Christian convert and as fate may have
it, he died in 2003. Doctors confirmed that he died of cardiac arrest. During
his life time, he deposited in a Storage in Europe, a trunk box containing
$22M USD.I am quite sure that he did not disclosed to the Storage Company
that the real content of the trunk was cash in US Dollars rather, he registered
the trunk box as diplomatic immunities for the safety of the box. Before
he died, he willed this money to any good Christian/Christian organization
for the propagation of gospel because according to him, he was saved through
gospel. I am now ready to carry out his wishes and must never have any hand
in that which was willed for God?s work.

If you are interested in using this money for its purpose, write back to
me immediately and I will link you up with his in-law in London, UK for
all the assistance you could need to retrieve the box. When you start corresponding
with this his in-law, you must not let him to know that the trunk contains
money because I am convinced that he does not know but has the papers with
him.

I am waiting.

Mrs.Magerete Kamsojide

Note: Misspelling of the name São Tomé e Príncipe
Note: An appeal to the Christian religion by someone who has no understanding of its ethical foundation in the 8th Commandment
Note: Nobody is going to stuff millions of dollars in a trunk and just leave it there! They'll use banks in Switzerland or the Caiman Islands.
Note: If he wanted it to go to God's work, why didn't he already give it?
Note: As if the lady is just going to just give all the money to the first person to email her back.
Note: His in-law in London was never offered this deal, but she spreads it on the entire internet?!
Note: His death was over a year ago, and she still hasn't found anyone to get her trunk out!

Ladle Rat Rotten Hut

Ladle Rat Rotten Hut

Wants pawn term, dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder inner ladle cordage, honor itch offer lodge, dock, florist. Disk ladle gull orphan worry putty ladle rat cluck wetter ladle rat hut, an fur disk raisin pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.

Wan moaning, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut's murder colder inset, "Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, heresy ladle bask hut wit some burden barter an shirker cock ease. Tick disk ladle bask hut tutor cordage offer groin-murder hoe lifts honor udder site offer florist. Shaker lake! Dun stopper laundry wrote! Dun stopper peck floors! Dun daily-doily inner florist, an yonder nor sorghum-stenches, dun stopping torque wet strainers!"

"Hoe-cake, murder," resplendent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, an tickle ladle bask hut an stuttered oft. Honor wrote tutor cordage offer groin-murder, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut mitten anomalous woof. " Wail, wail, wail ! " set disk wicket woof, "Evanescent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut! Wares are putty ladle gull goring wizard ladle bask hut?"

"Armor goring tumor groin-murder's," reprisal ladle gull. "Grammar's seeking bet. Armor ticking arson burden barter an shirker cock ease."

"O hoe! Heifer knots wok," setter wicket woof, butter taught tomb shelf, "Oil tickle shirt court tutor cordage offer groin-murder. Oil ketchup wetter letter, an den - O bore!"

Soda wicket woof tucker shirt court, an whinny retched a cordage offer groin-murder, picked inner windrow, an sore debtor pore oil worming worse lion inner bet. En inner flesh, disk abdominal woof lipped honor bet, paunched honor pore oil worming, an garbled erupt. Den disk ratchet ammonal pot honor groin-murder's not-cab an not-gone, any curdled ope inner bet.

Inner ladle wile, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut a raft adder cordage, an ranker dough ball. "Comb ink, sweat hard," setter wicket woof, disgracing is verse. Ladle Rat Rotten Hut entity bet drum an stud buyer groin-murder's bet.

"O Grammar!" crater ladle gull historically, "Water bag I sue gut! A nervous sausage bag ice!"

"Battered lucky chew whiff, sweat hard," setter bloat-Thursday woof, wetter wicket small honors phase.

"O Grammar, water bag noise! A nervous sore suture anomalous noise!"

"Battered small your whiff, doling," whiskered dole woof, ants mouse worse wad ring.

"O Grammar, water bag mouser gut! A nervous sore suture bag mouse!"

Daze worry on-forger-nut ladle gull's lest warts. Oil offer sodden, day keen offer carvers an sprinkling otter bet, data hoard hoarded woof lipped awn pore Ladle Rat Rotten Hut an garbled erupt.

Mural: Yonder nor sorghum stenches shut ladle gulls top end torque wet strainers.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's Going On?

This story, believe it or not, is the very familiar fable of Little Red Riding Hood. This curious version was written in 1940 by a professor of French named H. L. Chace, who wanted to show his students that intonation - that is, the melody of a language - is an integral part of its meaning. The words here are all English words, but not the ones you'd expect to tell the story of Little Red Riding Hood.

"Divorce and Happiness"

Begin quote:

Many marry and fail altogether to find that happiness which they expected. Some find positive misery, while others find nothing more than disappointment and drudgery. This is the common experience of men--so common, indeed, that when the disciples hear the Lord forbidding divorce and remarriage, they immediately respond with, "If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry."

If the case of the man be so with his wife--if he is bound to her by an indissoluble tie, if he cannot put away an unsatisfying woman and put an end to an unhappy marriage--if the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry at all. This response of the disciples indicates that they well knew that a happy marriage was a rarity, while those of the unhappy sort were the common experience of humanity.

And yet, in spite of the common failure of the race to find happiness in marriage, the belief persists, as strong as ever, that it is in marriage that happiness is to be found. The myriads of men and women who fail to find it, or who find misery or drudgery in its place, yet remain firm and unshaken in their belief that marriage is the way to happiness. They never dream of impugning marriage as such: it is only THEIR OWN marriage which is bad, and they universally suppose that if they could but have a different partner, they would find that happiness which their own marriage has failed to give.

But here a great difficulty arises. God FORBIDS us to end a bad marriage in order to seek a good one. What then? Does he care nothing for the happiness of his creatures? So unbelief would suppose. Faith knows better than this, and yet faith itself may often be severely puzzled as to how such prohibitions of the Lord can consist with his care for the happiness of men. How can he desire their happiness, while he denies them the very thing which would make them happy? There is nothing impious in raising such questions, though God yet expects us to trust in him, as well when we cannot understand his ways, as when we can. Here lies the most honorable occupation of faith. Yet it is honorable also to get understanding with all our getting, and nothing is more honorable nor more profitable than to get understanding of GOD.

In the first place, then, it plainly appears that if God in certain cases forbids the very thing which would make his creatures happy, he has something else in view than the present happiness of every individual. It may be he aims at the ultimate happiness of all, or the greater happiness of a greater number, or both. But it is evident that if he aimed at nothing more than the present happiness of all who seek it, he must allow divorce and remarriage in a myriad of cases where he now forbids it.

We must further consider that while the Lord's prohibitions, coupled with the careless manner in which many enter the married state, may debar many from ever attaining marital happiness at all, yet these prohibitions may also contribute to the greater happiness of the greater number over all. In the first place there is probably nothing which could contribute so much to a wholesome caution in uttering the vows of marriage as the certain knowledge that those vows must stand, "for better or for worse."

On the other hand, there is nothing which could contribute so much to the throwing of all caution to the winds as the supposition that those vows may be broken at pleasure. Thus the free license to divorce must work directly to the multiplication of bad marriages, and so far contribute to the greater overall unhappiness of the race--for not all who carelessly enter ill-matched marriages, under the belief that they may end them when they please, will feel free to do so when the occasion calls for it. There are many constraining reasons for maintaining an unsatisfying marriage, even where folks believe themselves free to end it, the good of the children being the most compelling of those reasons.

But more. Love comes in a thousand different degrees, and marriage therefore exists in a thousand degrees of goodness or badness. Every marriage which is not perfect is not therefore miserable. A man may have a good marriage, which is yet less than the epitome of bliss. Yet the supposition that he is free to end that marriage, in order to seek a better, will tend directly to breed dissatisfaction, even with marriages which are essentially good, though less than perfect.But we know that many marriages are not essentially good. Their very existence stands as a bar to the happiness of the parties involved. They are not in love, and never can be, for all their trying. We will not pretend that making the best of an uncongenial mismatch will ever bring marital happiness, or make a bad marriage good, but it may after all be conducive to more happiness in general than a free license to divorce.

Yet in spite of such considerations as these, the belief persists that wherever an uncongenial marriage exists, divorce and remarriage are the way to happiness. It was doubtless on the strength of this belief that God of old granted permission to Israel to divorce and remarry--for who would avail themselves of that permission for any other reason? Some there are who teach that the Bible, New Testament as well as old, condones divorce for mere lack of love. Nor is this doctrine a new one, hatched in the present permissive age. Perhaps the strongest treatise in existence on the subject comes from the pen of old John Milton, a seventeenth-century English Independent, or Congregationalist, and the author of "Paradise Lost." He contends, with a great array of the most compelling reasons, that love itself must compel the separation of spouses who cannot love each other, and that therefore "the true church may unwittingly use as much cruelty in forbidding to divorce, as the church of antichrist doth wilfully in forbidding to marry." With great force of reason, and great powers of eloquence, he describes the hopelessness of an ill-formed marriage, and predicates to marriage without love a great host of great evils. And in fact we quite agree with him. But his reason and eloquence are evidently misapplied. He cannot maintain the strength of his reason when he deals with the prohibitions of Scripture, but must stoop then to strong assertion or weak sophistry. His powerful pleading, though it move us to tears and sobs for the plight of the mismatched, and though it burn into our very souls the truth of the old saw, "Better half hanged than ill wed," yet it leaves us just where we were with regard to the prohibitions of the Lord.

We do not pretend to know everything on this subject. Indeed, we do not pretend to know much. We have many unanswered questions, and we feel most deeply the difficulties involved in the matter. But this much we can say: If those Scriptural prohibitions are to stand, those powerful reasons are evidently not to be used to separate the mismatched but to prevent their ever joining themselves together in the first place. Let us employ all the little powers we have to prevent bad marriages, and we know that we do well. The divine prohibitions of Scripture, coupled with the prevalence of marriages without love, ought by all means to be used to inculcate the utmost caution in marrying, but when parents and pastors, when church and society have failed to cultivate that caution--when the carnal and the hyperspiritual alike have made marriage a blind lottery--it is no remedy to throw to the winds the very thing which will work most powerfully to return men to sanity and to secure that caution.

But modern society has no regard for the prohibitions of Scripture. It needs not labor, as John Milton did, to prove those prohibitions misapplied, or misinterpreted, or inconsistent, as commonly interpreted, with the goodness of God. Modern man has found a shorter way. He simply casts away the cords of the Lord, and breaks his bands in sunder. With one sweep he frees himself from the galling yoke which requires him to eat the fruits of his ignorance or his carelessness, and so paves a broad way for the whole race, to be as careless as it may please in uttering the once-solemn vows of matrimony.

Thus the effects of a free license to divorce are no longer a matter of speculation, but of actual experience. The experiment has been tried. And with what result? Has the happiness of modern man been increased by this freedom? We have no doubt that many individuals have been made happier. So far as this life is concerned, many who would have been locked up in uncongenial and unsatisfying marriages have found love and happiness by divorce and remarriage. No unprejudiced man could deny this. But still we ask, Has the happiness of men in general been increased? And here we can only say, we very much doubt it. To say nothing at all of the confusion and tears which have been thrust upon a myriad of children, the newspapers are full of advertisements from divorced persons who languish for love unsatisfied in a former marriage, burned and stung by a bitter divorce, hoping to love and trust again, yet fearing to do so, and now having--nothing. No husband, no love, no companionship, no security, no father for their children, but only aching and burning and languishing--as firm as ever in their belief that happiness is to be found in a good marriage, but unable to secure even a bad one, lacking now the physical beauties of youth, cumbered with children and debts and cares. The little which they had before was better than the nothing which they have now. Not only so, but the little which they had before may very likely have been made better, if they had committed themselves to so doing, instead of rushing to the divorce court.

We are of course well aware that there has always been a small amount of such unhappiness on the earth. It seems evident, however, that the loose laws of divorce have greatly increased that number, and so greatly increased the unhappiness of the human race. That freedom from the bands and cords of the Lord, by which men promised themselves greater happiness, while it has no doubt secured that happiness for some, has actually wrought in the opposite direction for a far greater number. Such is the wisdom of man.

-End quoted article. Written and published by Glenn Conjurske in "Olde Paths and Ancient Landmarks."The original article may be accessed by clicking on the title.