Mushrooms and the Medical Manual

As a thought exercise, I decided to do what the anonymous author of "Wine and the Bible" did with wine, to mushrooms. I was only able to find 19th-century citations for the first two categories.

I found that all passages where mushrooms are mentioned, fall under three headings: a) where mushrooms are merely mentioned, b) where they are spoken of as a cause of misery and death, c) where they a blessing and source of ethereal enlightenment.

Examples:
a)"Konstantin was out wandering in the woods looking for mushrooms after the rain." The Small Rain by Diana Raymond, 1955
b) "Probably a single one of these is responsible for a vast majority of the fatal accidents resulting from mushroom poisoning. There are however some species in other genera that are capable of causing nausea vomiting and derangement of the digestive organs." The West American Scientist, 1895
c) "The taste of magic mushrooms are far from the best gourmet meals. However, once you get past the taste, they can open you up to sensations you’ve never had. Those who ate magic shrooms always talk of having an out-of-body experience, a feeling of time slowing down, and an openness to their imagination." www.trufflemagic.com, 2019

Now, how does one ensure that his mushrooms are of the heavenly kind and not the hellish kind? It isn't easy, but one can start by overturning cow patties:

"Psilocybe cubensis mushrooms usually grow on patties that have had a little time to soak themselves into the soil - I would guesstimate that 2 week-old patties would be ideal. The mushrooms may be growing either straight out of the patty or very near it. As for picking, cubensis mushrooms are fully mature when the veil has broken and the caps are relatively flat (depending on the strain). The ideal time to pick is 24-36 hours after a good rain (0.5" or more) in 65-85F weather. Be sure to identify them PROPERLY and THOROUGHLY before consuming any mushroom"  answers.yahoo.com, 2019

But don't just go grabbing fruiting bodies off any pile of dung, either:
"Psilocybe cubensis, commonly called the Golden Top, is a prolific dung-inhabiting mushroom found mostly in the spring to early summer. Its striking appearance, size, and fairly exclusive habitat makes identification relatively easy. This is not true of the Psilocybe genus as a whole, however; Many of the hallucinogenic species closely parallel the appearance of some of the most deadly poisonous mushrooms." www.potent.media/magic-mushroom-guide 2019

So, it looks like it boils down to this: Once you've eaten a mushroom and feel nothing, the mushroom being referred to is obviously from category (a). If, however, you begin to vomit and feel your internal organs shutting down, obviously this reference was to a mushroom of category (b). But if you begin to feel at one with the universe, you've connected with a reference of the last category, (c).

Enjoy your mushrooms! And please, consume them responsibly--unfermented and gluten-free.

"Evolutionary Hymn," A Poem by Clive Staples Lewis, annotated and explained

I came across this poem attributed to a 1954 letter from C.S. Lewis to Dorothy Sayers and published in Part 2 of his collected poems. Its online text is remarkably pure; besides capitalization and misplaced or missing punctuation marks (as well as == for 'equals'), the only variants I found are the presence of an introductory indefinite article in the title, and the majority error of "Oh" for "On" at the head of the last stanza. I give here my critical compilation:

EVOLUTIONARY HYMN

to the tune Mannheim, a parody of “Lead Us, Heavenly Father, Lead Us"

Lead us, Evolution, lead us
Up the future's endless stair;
Chop us, change us, prod us, weed us.
For stagnation is despair:
Groping, guessing, yet progressing,
Lead us nobody knows where.

Wrong or justice, joy or sorrow,
In the present what are they
While there's always jam-tomorrow,
While we tread the onward way?
Never knowing where we're going,
We can never go astray.

To whatever variation
Our posterity may turn
Hairy, squashy, or crustacean,
Bulbous-eyed or square of stern,
Tusked or toothless, mild or ruthless,
Towards that unknown god we yearn.

Ask not if it's god or devil,
Brethren, lest your words imply
Static norms of good and evil
(As in Plato) throned on high;
Such scholastic, inelastic,
Abstract yardsticks we deny.

Far too long have sages vainly
Glossed great Nature's simple text;
He who runs can read it plainly,
'Goodness = what comes next.'
 By evolving, Life is solving
All the questions we perplexed.

On then! Value means survival-
Value. If our progeny
Spreads and spawns and licks each rival,
That will prove its deity
(Far from pleasant, by our present,
Standards, though it may well be).

I was surprised that none had succumbed to the temptation to change the first instance of 'god' to 'goal', but apparently this poem has only been passed on by prudent scribes; I suspect the major variant is from the oldest cyberscript, and has only been corrected because internal evidence is so overwhelmingly against it.

You can see allusions in this poem to the Greek classics, Scripture, and Lewis Carroll. "Chop and change" is an old English idiom for 'peddle' found in early translations of 2 Corinthians 2:17, but Lewis is using it here in its modern meaning. "Jam to-morrow," referring to a promise that can never be fulfilled, is a pun on a feature of Latin Grammar immortalized by the White Queen in Through the Looking Glass.

In this poem Lewis mocks what he called "The Evolution Myth" in which every genetic change is believed to be inevitably for the better, maugre all evidence to the contrary. And he points out what evolutionists themselves are rue to admit, that the struggle to survive runs contrary to the cultural norms that are the very fibre of civilisation, there being no other evolutionary standard than that of survival by whatever means necessary.

Lewis, who started his career as an ardent evolutionist and often co-opted evolutionary theory to explain his theology, clearly became quite disillusioned by its empty promises as he entered his latter years, this poem coming out in his final decade of life.

Questions Asked a Ticket Agent: Time for a little source criticism

A Washington D.C. airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country is in trouble:

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts .''
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa ''
His response -- click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!''

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?''
I said, ''No.''
She said, ''But they look so close on the map.''

5. An aide for a cabinet member (Janet Napolitano) once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. I pulled up the reservation and noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.''

6.An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'
He replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT- Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on his luggage.

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright (D) from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D) Called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane.
She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. Mary Landrieu (D) La. Senator called and had a question about the documents she needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Jersey Congressman (John Adler) called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.''
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?''
'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere."
''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?''
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in! Could anyone be this DUMB?
YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO  BREED.
I don't write it, I just offer it for your consideration. Like manure, you just gotta spread it around.

Now, the White Man here to answer that last question, Yes, anyone could be that dumb. But notice, the anonymous author didn't quote just anyone in this piece. He only quoted Democrats. Now, if Democrats can be that dumb, so can Republicans. The very fact that he only quoted Democrats brings out a strong marine odor: this piece is a fabrication, and it's unlikely that any of these quotes were actually made by the people to whom they were attributed. In fact, all of them show such remarkable lack of intellect that this collection was probably first compiled as a list of the Stupidest Questions Ever Asked a Travel Agent. Only later did an anti-Democrat pick it up and carefully add a list of plausible Democrat names to the quotes.

Now, I came up with all of this just from a quick read of the piece and an online check of  a few of the names. Let's see what Snopes says about it: Link here (it won't let me cut and paste).

Yep, I was exactly right. Notice that the names were all added in parentheses to an earlier version. The earliest version of all made no mention of members of Congress.

Now, see how easy that was? With only a single copy of this message, I was able--before I even finished reading it-- to spot it as a forgery, and to hypothesize that the names were all interpolations. A little search for external evidence soon showed my hypothesis to be spot-on.

I could add one more allusion to the art of textual criticism. Several times I have gone back through the text of this pericope and removed extraneous spaces, fixed capitalization errors, and replaced spaces that had been deleted. I didn't carefully check how many errors of each kind I encountered, but it's interesting that, at least in an electronic text, such errors do multiply as the text is copied--but only because changes are being made by the scribes themselves (or initiated by their spell checkers); in this case, changes of first deletion (of the original text), then replacement (of the corrections) and finally addition (of the interpolations). The sort of stylistic errors encountered did in fact point to the sort of editorial changes that had been made to the text--and this was all obvious from looking at a single copy; no comparison of copies was necessary, except to confirm what could already be seen to have happened.

Plain Bread

Research on bread indicates that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 70 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Primitive tribal societies that do not eat bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

6. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

7. Bread is a choking hazard to children under the age of one.

8. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

How to get the troops out of Iraq

The military occupation of Iraq has now gone on longer than the allied occupation of postwar Germany, and with considerably more casualties. Understandably, many members of the military would rather not serve there--some having already been through one or two rotations in The Sandbox. Reservists, who sat out the entire Vietnam Conflict, are carrying an enormous share of the load. Even troops in non-combatant roles are being dragged into the fight as they transverse an ever-shifting battlefield.

Well, for those who have had enough, and want to go home, I have good news. There are now two tried and true ways of getting a 1-way ticket on the next plane back to the US. Here they are:

1. Hand a Muslim a token with a Bible verse engraved on it.

2. Use a Qur'an for target practice.

I'm not saying that I recommend either of these actions*, only that I predict they would be very effective in getting anyone who carries them out a quick trip home--and probably a chance to work out his biceps while getting a nice tan at Ft. Leavenworth.

Just think: if every soldier in Iraq were to take just one of these actions, we could have all our troops home in no time.

*In the interests of full disclosure, I have never done either of these, nor do I ever intend to.

Changing a light bulb, according to the latest principles of textual criticism

The White Man rarely changes a light bulb anymore, unless the compact fluorescent came loose from its housing. And that isn't actually changing a bulb, but replacing it.

Yet the concept of changing a light bulb is forever enshrined in the humor element of the White Man's culture, and that is never likely to change. Some day a child may look blankly at his father and ask, "Daddy, what's a light bulb?" But until that day, the joke will remain funny.

Typing in "How many turkey vultures does it take to change a light bulb" at ask.com resulted in no answers, but over a thousand hits. Removing 'turkey vultures' from the equation led to a hundred times that many. Here are just two exemplars of the logion, 'How many __________ (members of a particular Christian denomination) does it take to change a light bulb?'

**********************************

Cyberscript A:


Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?



**************************

Cyberscript B:


Q:
How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
One, since his/her hands are in the air anyway.

Q:
How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on. (Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.)

Q:
How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
At least ten, as they need to hold a debate into whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they may not go ahead and change it for fear of alienating those who use fluorescent tubes.

Q:
How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Q:
How many neo-orthodox does it take to change a bulb?
A:
No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.

Q:
How many independent fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Only one, because any more might result in too much cooperation.

Q:
How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
"What's a light bulb?"

Q:
How many youth pastors does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Youth pastors aren't around long enough for a light bulb to burn out.


Q:
How many members of an established Bible teaching church that is over 20 years old does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.

Q:
How many Anglo-Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
None. They always use candles instead.

Q:
How many Evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Evangelicals do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and hope the light bulb will decide to change itself.

Q:
How many Atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
One. But they are still in darkness.

Q:
How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Change?????

Q:
How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Q:
How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today.

Q:
How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

Q:
How many baptist's does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
The whole congregation needs to vote on it!

Q:
How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Three, one to cast it out and two to catch it when it falls!

Q:
How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Twenty one, one to change it, and twenty to share the experience!

Q:
How many conservative Anglicans does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Three. One to change it and two to storm out in protest if the person changing it is a woman!

Q:
How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
None. If God wants the light bulb changed He will do it Himself!

Q:
How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
10. Five to determine how many can be changed by the year 2000, four to raise the necessary funds, one to go find a national to do the job!

Q:
How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted--all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."

Q:
How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
109. Seven on the Light Bulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report to the 12 on the Light Bulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Executive Committee of 5, who place it on the agenda of the 18 member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27 Member church Board, who appoint another 12 member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another 8 member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a light bulb, and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the light bulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a 7-member committee to find the best price in new light bulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be reviewed by the 23 member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connection to Disneyland. They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out.

Q:
How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
4 ladies. One to carefully unscrew the bulb. One to wrap it carefully and another to package it. The fourth to mail it to the mission field.

******************************

Without constructing a detailed critical apparatus, we can quickly realize the Webex B has undergone correction by scribes of several different denominations. We would therefore date it rather late in the stream. Note the dittographs in relation to Baptists, Evangelicals, and Charismatics. We would expect this script to undergo subsequent editing by a redactor seeking to minimize harmonizations, but this is a good example of a wild transitional text.

Webex A, on the other hand, is concise and well organized. The question is whether it should be considered earlier than B (in which the numerous scribes who corrected the exemplars of B corrupted its text), or a later orthodox correction of B.

Is there really any way of telling? And does it matter? Whether earlier or later than B, A is just simply a better Webex to use. B is too sloppily compiled to lend any credence to the originality of ANY of its readings. I wouldn't use B to correct anything in A. And to get back to the question, I'd need to collate a whole lot more cyberscripts before I could answer it. Right now, that hardly seems worth my bother. Let those who argue for the originality of B do the work, and prove their point.

I'm listening.


By the way, how many textual critics does it take to change a light bulb?

The answer, according to the latest principles of textual criticism:

"Phrasing the question this way shows your ignorance of how textual criticism works. Textual critics are to be weighed, not counted."

This is especially important, I suppose, when the ladder being used only holds 200 pounds.

Remember the 2000 Election?

For your reading entertainment, here are some hit songs from the 2000 election:


THE PALM BEACH POKEY

You put your stylus in,
You pull your stylus out,
You put your stylus in,
And you punch Buchanan out.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That's what it's all about!

You put the Gore votes in,
You pull the Bush votes out,
You put the Gore votes in,
And you do another count.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That's what it's all about!

You bring your lawyers in,
You drag the whole thing out,
You bring your lawyers in,
And you put it all in doubt.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That's what it's all about!

You let your doctors spin,
You let the pundits spout,
You let your doctors spin,
And your people whine and pout.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That's what it's all about!

You do the Palm Beach Pokey,
You do the Palm Beach Pokey,
You do the Palm Beach Pokey,
That's what it's all about!

Charlie Henrickson, copyright 2000


HOW THE GORE-INCH STOLE FLORIDA

Can we count them with our nose?
Can we count them with our toes?
Should we count them where we stand?
Should we count them all by hand?
If I do not like the count,
I will simply throw it out!
I will not let this vote count stand
I don't like it, AL GORE I am!

Can we change these numbers here?
Can we change them, calm my fear?
What do you mean that Bush has won?
This is not fair, this is not fun!
Let's count them upside down this time
Let's count until the state is mine!
I will not let this vote count stand!
I don't like it, AL GORE I am!

I'm really ticked, I'm in a snit!
You have not heard the last of it!
I'll count the ballots one by one
And hold each one up to the sun!
I'll count, recount, and count some more!
You'll grow to hate this little chore
But I won't, can't let this vote count stand!
I don't like it, AL GORE I am!

I won't leave town, I'm staying here!
I've glued my desk chair to my rear!
Tipper, Hillary, Bubba too,
All telling me that I should sue!
We find th'Electoral College vile!
Recount the votes until I smile!
We do not want this vote to stand!
I don't like it, AL GORE I am!

How shall we count this ballot box?
Let's count it standing in our socks!
Shall we count this one in a tree?
And who shall count it, you or me?
We cannot, cannot count enough!
We must not stop, we must be tough!
I do not want this vote to stand!
I don't like it, AL GORE I am!

What's that? What are you trying to say?
You think the current count should stay?
You do not like my counting schemes?
They make you tense, give you bad dreams?
Foolish folk, you're wrong--you'll see!
Your only care should be for me!
I will not let this vote count stand!
I don't like it, AL GORE I am!

--Anonymous, revised 2008

STILL UNPRESIDENTED

Chorus: Tell me Dan Rather, I've wanted to know
Ever since my vote was sent.
I voted for Bush, 3 minutes ago, and I still don't know who's President.

Tell me Dan Rather, I want to know,
If you don't, then I'll go ask my Dad.
I know about birds, and I know about bees,
But WHAT is a "pregnant chad?"

Chorus: Tell me Dan Rather, I've wanted to know
Ever since my vote was sent.
I voted for Bush, 3 whole hours ago, and I still don't know who's President.

The Army, the Navy, the Air Force, Marines,
All voted a new Chief to Hail.
But none of their votes could be counted at all
If they sent them by Armed Forces Mail.

Chorus: Tell me Dan Rather, I've wanted to know
Ever since my vote was sent.
I voted for Bush, 3 long days ago, and I still don't know who's President.

With the way that things just keep on getting dragged out,
I'm Bushed, and increasingly bored.
But in this election, there's been so much bull,
I'm afraid that we all will get Gored!

Chorus: Tell me Dan Rather, I've wanted to know
Ever since my vote was sent.
I voted for Bush, a whole 3 weeks ago, and I still don't know who's President!

--W. Landow, copyright 2000

There are suckers born every minute, but a lot more than usual this time of year

A week ago yesterday, The Daily Reckoning website opened with a couple of unusual articles, only the second of which found great currency on the blogosphere. It was quoted in blogs and forums from Serbia to Australia. Unlike the opening article, it wasn't directly related to the financial world, but then that's nothing unusual for The Daily Reckoning, where the editors tend to muse over things like their successful safari trip to Africa and which boarding school would be best for their children. I'll give the opening lines of the article and see what my readers think of it:

"In addition to the financial news, the political news was also worthy of comment. The little town of Ashford, Tennessee, held a special election yesterday, after its mayor died in a freak poker accident. He was playing poker with friends in an abandoned warehouse when the roof collapsed, killing him, the chief of police, the coroner, and the town's leading brothel owner, Ray Borvis."

There was enough to raise suspicion just from that much of the story. I tried to check to see if anyone named Ray Borvis lives in Ashford, Tennessee, and discovered that there is no such town, much less any person of that name. No news site covered the election, and all six hits for "Ray Borvis" were quotes of the original article.

Just to show how gullible people can be, this is the first website to point out the significance of the date upon which the article was posted, a whole eight days ago. And to make note of the sentences by which the first of the day's articles was set off. It opened with:

"What a remarkable day! We never thought we’d see the likes of it."

and closed with:

"What a day!"

The day in question? April First.

419 Update: hot off the keyboard!

My dear sir,
As I mentioned you in my previous missle, "unbeknownst to my erstwhile employer, I had already secreted away a substantial portion of both of our shares under the guise of moving it to a safer location than where it is being stored until it can be safely disposed of. . . PLEASE RESPOND SOONEST."

During your inaction, the bulk of our bounty has been unearthed in a Dumpster near the Chunnel entrance and is now under confiscation. This does not bode well for the prospects of your favorite charity. But I have a plan to recover the money from the aforementioned £30million overage which is presently buried in various secret locations known only to my erstwhile employer.

Please meet me at the Belgrade airport with $2million in DIAMONDS, which I will proffer to get back in the good graces of my security organisation. This will allow me to acquire the locations of the horde and pass that information on to you. The reward money you earn for reporting this to the authorities will more than cover your time and effort expended in getting me the diamonds.

Slab

PS. Be sure to get the diamonds in BRUSELLS from a reputable broker. Conflict diamonds will only further complicate this already complied transaction.

Hot off the presses: 419 scam from Serbia

-FROM: Slabidan Graviditch
CONFIDENTIAL
I am Slabidan Graviditch, until recently a security guard in the London branch of a Serbian executive security company. My last official duty was serving security escort duty for the wife and children of Colin Dixon, the manager of the Securitas Currency Depot in Tunbridge while my distinguished colleagues assisted Mr. Dixon in relieving the Depot of excess cash on 21st February.

Since coming into this sum of cash (estimated at £ 50,000,000, an overage of 30 million beyond our intended withdraw), disagreement has arisen amongst the members of my gang over how to allocate the windfall of $30 million (UK). My supervisor preferred to invest it in offshore gambling resorts in the Caribbean, while it was my stated intention to donate it all to charity. In the ensuing dispute, I was relieved of my duties and deprived of my fair share of the haul. But unbeknownst to my erstwhile employer, I had already secreted away a substantial portion of both of our shares under the guise of moving it to a safer location than where it is being stored until it can be safely disposed of.
This, my dear friend, is why I went to considerable effort to locate your email address; it is my sincere desire to share this bounty with the charity of your choice. Although I have only just met you, it feels like we are already best chums and I know you to be responsible with funds like these.
Since I am now in hiding in Pristina, I will need you to handle these funds on my behalf to purchase DIAMONDS on the open market in Brussels. These can in turn be converted to your currency and donated to the charity most near and dear to your heart.

Please respond to me soonest. I want you to indicate your interest to me by my email adedud@30mil.com, upon your indication of your interest to travel to Brussels, I shall make arrangement to have my lawyer join you there and together proceed to the secret location to retrieve the money. You can then transfer the money directly to your Bank Account.
As soon as you prepare to be in Brussels, my lawyer will leave Serbia ahead of you to receive you in Brussels. I really have confidence in you. I will discuss with your face in details concerning the money. Your commission will be discussed later when we meet face to face by then the money must have been in your Possession. I sincerely appeal to you to keep this transaction confidential. Thanks for helping me out of a jam.
Best regards.
Slabidan Graviditch

"Nigerian Scam" variant from Italy--not a very professional job

Dear Friend,

My name is Mrs.Magerete Kamsojide.I am the wife of Late Sebastian Kamsojide,
an oil dealer in Sao Tome and Principles.

My husband was an oil merchant and a Christian convert and as fate may have
it, he died in 2003. Doctors confirmed that he died of cardiac arrest. During
his life time, he deposited in a Storage in Europe, a trunk box containing
$22M USD.I am quite sure that he did not disclosed to the Storage Company
that the real content of the trunk was cash in US Dollars rather, he registered
the trunk box as diplomatic immunities for the safety of the box. Before
he died, he willed this money to any good Christian/Christian organization
for the propagation of gospel because according to him, he was saved through
gospel. I am now ready to carry out his wishes and must never have any hand
in that which was willed for God?s work.

If you are interested in using this money for its purpose, write back to
me immediately and I will link you up with his in-law in London, UK for
all the assistance you could need to retrieve the box. When you start corresponding
with this his in-law, you must not let him to know that the trunk contains
money because I am convinced that he does not know but has the papers with
him.

I am waiting.

Mrs.Magerete Kamsojide

Note: Misspelling of the name São Tomé e Príncipe
Note: An appeal to the Christian religion by someone who has no understanding of its ethical foundation in the 8th Commandment
Note: Nobody is going to stuff millions of dollars in a trunk and just leave it there! They'll use banks in Switzerland or the Caiman Islands.
Note: If he wanted it to go to God's work, why didn't he already give it?
Note: As if the lady is just going to just give all the money to the first person to email her back.
Note: His in-law in London was never offered this deal, but she spreads it on the entire internet?!
Note: His death was over a year ago, and she still hasn't found anyone to get her trunk out!

A THANKSGIVING FORECAST

There will be a Turkey-wide thaw in the morning, with oven-like
afternoon temperatures near 190º F. Areas in Turkey's immediate surroundings
will turn hot and humid, with the possibility of a sudden squall as
suppertime approaches and the food still isn't ready.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife
will slide through Turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches
on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while
cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Expect a downpour of
gravy.

We can look forward to heavy congestion throughout the entire area
associated with Turkey, with especially crowded conditions around
the Beltway.
During the evening, accumulation will diminish and taper off to
leftovers, dropping to a low of 34º F overnight.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, there should be high pressure
on Turkey to be sandwiched between slices of bread.
Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days, with a 50 percent
chance of soupy conditions later in the day, usually in conjunction
with a warming trend if a microwave is available.

The Beltway should experience a long-awaited drop in pressure by
early next week, but this won't last long, as Christmas weather is
just around the corner.