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Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Plain Bread

Research on bread indicates that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.


2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.


3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.


4. More than 70 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.


5. Primitive tribal societies that do not eat bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.


6. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.


7. Bread is a choking hazard to children under the age of one.


8. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

2 comments:

  1. I would like to point out a mistake in the above blog. It says 'Primitive tribal societies do not eat bread'...--figure it out.
    Very funny indeed! I won't be offended if you don't approve this.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Point taken and correction made, Keyboard. Another iteration of this text is now in cyberspace.

    ReplyDelete

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